At a diamond mine in South Africa, a young man does unauthorized work with a long, metal cudgel. Smashing through the rocks with his magical blunt instrument, he makes care to look at the residues of his destruction. Finally, after many minutes of digging through the earth, he discovers a large piece of clear-colored gemstone, the width of a dime-- perfect for his intentions.
“ What are you doing, “ A voice asks Nitz. Nitz turns around to see an ethereal Sumatran rhinoceros-- a familiar face to him.
“ I’m digging for a diamond for Joan’s engagement ring, “ Nitz replies. “ I don’t have any money so I decided to get one myself. “
” Are you sure you have thought this through, “ the rhino asks. “ Marriage is a very big step for the Priest of Zeku. “
” Oh, relax. I’ll still be the Priest of Zeku. I’ll still fight the forces of evil, darkness, etcetera ad infinitum. I’ll just have someone by my side to do it with. I can live the life I’ve always wanted with the girl I’ve always dreamed of. “
” So you always dreamed of a robotic lover? A computer-directed woman who has programs instead of thoughts? A machine shaped like a human? “
” What, you’re going to preach to me now? “
” I merely am making a point. I am concerned for your welfare. “
” Thank you, ‘ Dad ‘, but I can take care of myself fine. “
” Have you thought about your future? Of how a metal woman could possibly bear your children? Of how you will handle yourself when you get bored with her limited directives? You do not even know where she came from, the man who built her. “
” 1.) We’ll adopt. 2.) She’s as complex as any human I know.. 3.) What, you know? “
” I know all. If you knew her origin, you would lose your childish crush. “
” Who’re you to call me childish? I’m a grown man and I can make my own decisions. “
” You are making a mistake. You cannot love a mere machine. “
” I already do. Isn’t that something? “
” Pervert. “
The rhino dissapears. Nitz holds out a single finger.
Outside of Nitz’s apartment, Nitz and Joan in her human form walk a familiar path to the door. Nitz holds her hand, comfortable despite its lack of warmth.
“ What are we doing here, “ Joan asks. “ I thought we agreed to leave your apartment permanently. “
” I know, “ Nitz replies. “ I want my friends to be here for this. I wanna see the look on their faces “
” For what? “
Nitz pauses, and looks Joan directly in her eyes. They move more realistically than ever before.
“ Joan, “ Nitz states seriously, “ Every day with you has been the best day of my life. I feel alive with you, capable-- like a real man, not just a 19-year-old boy. I love you more than anything else on Earth, and I want to prove it. “
” I love you too. Why are you stating this? “
Nitz reaches into his pocket and removes a screw with a diamond Krazy-glued to one of the ends. “ Joan, “ he says, “ Will you marry me? “
Joan stops. She says nothing, she just looks at Nitz. For seconds that feel like hours to Nitz, she stares. Then she says, “ Nitz....I.... “
Within that second, the ground beneath Nitz and Joan shakes vigorously. Nitz trips, falling on his face. Joan manages to balance herself, and remains in a standing position. Nitz looks up from the ground that his face smashed into to see a familiar face.
Or more precisely, a lack of face. A black and blue plate with two bright red eyes. Attached to a being eight feet tall, dark blue colored, with armored plates and weapons bristling from its wrists and shoulders. It points a finger at Nitz, which has a hollow point, the inside glowing green.
” I am the Iron Centurion! I AM A STATE-OF-THE-ART FIGHTING MACHINE! Bring me my bride! “
“ What the hell are you talking about, “ Nitz demands, as he regains his footing and whips out his cudgel. He holds it with both hands, ready to fight.
Joan starts to speak, but her head starts shaking violently, releasing showers of sparks. “ I-I-I-I- “
“ Joan! “ Nitz yells. He turns back to the Centurion and snarls at it. “ Look buddy, “ he says, “ I don’t know what your deal is, but you stay the hell away from my Fiancee! “
” That unit is the XJ5! It was designed to keep me company, not you! I will crush you! I am the Iron Centurion! I AM A STATE-OF-THE-ART FIGHTING MACHINE! “ The Centurion fires a green laser from its finger, but Nitz shouts “ Barriereku “ and is surrounded by a force shield, which absorbs the blast without problem. “ Allright, time to get serious, “ Nitz grumbles, “ Incinereku! “
The Centurion catches on fire, its metal heating red hot. Its external cooling systems are kicked into overdrive, diffusing the flames. It remains at its feet, but its outer shell is blackened and badly damaged.
“ Just getting started, bastard, “ Nitz smiles. “ Haileku! “ Small, sharp bits of ice hit the damaged shell and force their way through the cracks, damaging important circuits in the Centurion’s body. It moves back several steps, then falls over onto its back.
“ Allright, now for the coup de grace.....Shattere--! “
Nitz feels a powerful electric shock coursing through his body. He screams, then falls to the ground, twitching profusely. His natural healing abilities keep him conscious, so he can see albeit with blurry vision, but he cannot move for his own life.
The only thing he sees is Joan standing over him, in her metallic form, one of her hands converted into an electric taser. The only thing he hears is her saying “ Sorry Nitz....I have to go now....I have no choice. “ She walks away from him. Nitz tries to scream her name, but finds he can’t.
When he finally recovers from his electrical paralysis, all he sees is a blue thing holding a silver thing flying away. All he hears is a familiar voice.
“ Nitz, “ Zach shouts as he arrives with Tricia, “ We heard a lot of noise so we went outside to see what’s happening! Are you alright? “
Nitz kneels on the ground, looking down. His face is locked into a horrible grimace.
“ Nitz, “ Tricia asks, “ Are you okay? “ He doesn’t respond.
” Nitz? “
Nitz looks up at the sky, staring into the sun, then screams the longest chain of profanities known to man. He continues doing this until he runs out of breath, then commences again. His stamina for cursing is remarkable to the point of unusuality.
NEXT: The search for Joan.
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